I never saw such a woman.

I made a very fun discovery a few months ago.

To say that I was excited to find Pride and Prejudice (the Kiera Knightley version, duh) is now on the Canadian Netflix is an understatement.

In fact, to call my excitement an understatement, is also an understatement.

I. Adore. This. Movie.

I've watched Pride and Prejudice more times than I can count, and spent countless nights as a teen falling asleep while I watched the DVD.

...TBH the sleeping thing is a bit of a conditioned response now. I'm not sure if I can stay awake for the whole film, but I love every moment of it.

I even quoted it in my wedding vows.

So yesterday, when I was telling a couple of my mom friends that I was feeling accomplished at the end of the day (a rare occurrence!) I was reminded of this scene:

Mr. Bingley: Well I think it's amazing you ladies have the patience to be so accomplished.

Caroline: What do you mean Charles?

Mr. Bingley: You all paint tables and play the piano and embroider cushions. I never heard of a young lady but people say she's accomplished.

Mr. Darcy: The word is indeed applied too liberally. I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen women in all my acquaintance that are truly accomplished.

Caroline: Nor I, to be sure.

Elizabeth: Goodness you must comprehend a great deal in the idea.

Mr. Darcy: I do.

Caroline: Absolutely. She must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages to deserve the word. And something in her air and manner of walking.

Mr. Darcy: And of course she must improve her mind by extensive reading.

Elizabeth: [slams her book shut] I'm no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder at you knowing any.

Mr. Darcy: Are you so severe on your own sex?

Elizabeth: I never saw such a woman. She would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold.

Mr. Bingley: [giggles]

Granted, by Caroline + Mr. Darcy's definition, I would not qualify as accomplished.

Extensive reading, sure, and I definitely have an air and manner of walking...but that leans more towards awkward than accomplished.

I would be on Lizzie's level — I show up for the people I love even if it means I have to shlep through fields and arrive covered in mud. I don't always say or do the "right" thing, but I am wholeheartedly committed to living a life of authenticity and integrity, even if that means turning down opportunities that other people don't understand.

(My pal Sarah VonBargen wrote a great little piece about the "authenticity tax" you pay when you live a values-aligned life.)

So what does it mean to be accomplished now?

In my world, which is the world of a mom who runs a business from home, the "expectations of accomplishment" look something like this:

I home cook all meals and snacks using locally sourced, organic foods that are plant-based, gluten-free, sugar-free, BPA-free...oh wait. That's something else
That something else is that all of the things I own are thrifted and environmentally-friendly
My kids are dressed in monochrome small shop clothes that cost more than my education, and all of their toys are made from wood and materials that biodegrade
I Marie Kondo'd the shit out of my house so it's always organized and joyful to walk into
I run my own business, earning 6-figures per day, I retired my husband, and I did all of this while my kids are at home playing beside me with their felted stuffies made from the dog hair I save and repurpose so it doesn't end up in the landfill and set our planet on fire
I never forget birthdays, anniversaries, or other human-y celebrations, and I send out thank you cards for every kind act. I especially didn't neglect to send out thank you cards after my wedding and the birth of my first kid
All of my home decor is white, even though I have kids. Who never throw tantrums or things.
I run 15km and do yoga every morning before I make my green juice, my hair always looks blown out — but I swear it's just dry shampoo! — and my life is on display in a perfect little 3x3 quilt that you can double tap to your heart's content while secretly hating me

I'm on Elizabeth Bennett's side: I don't know any women who are that accomplished.

And I am an avid fan of my sex — women are the fucking bomb and I am ridiculously proud of the things I see the females in my life tackle and...accomplish.

But when I pursue the above version of modern (albeit exaggerated) "accomplishment," I feel like what I'm doing is never enough, and what's the point if all of this chasing leaves me in an exhausted and tearful heap on the kitchen floor at the end of the day?

No one wants to put that memory on Instaspam.

So what did I do that had me feeling so accomplished yesterday?

First of all, this was not an isolated 24 hour pursuit.

This feeling came from making intentional changes over the last month+ and those small changes added up to the feeling I've been chasing — and that feeling, is one of doing enough.

For me, "doing enough" feels like being able to sit down and actually enjoy the time that my little rugrats are home at the end of the day, because my brain isn't telling me that I need to do more.

To get to that feeling of enough, here's what I've been doing:

Prioritizing my writing, and investing in my craft → That looks like working with a creative coach → Joining a writing accountability group
Getting ahead of patterns that frustrate me → Making the kids daycare lunches the night before → Putting the recycling out the night before
Passing off the things I don't get to → Hiring a cleaner (again) because housekeeping is not my priority → Finding help for daycare pickup to free up an hour each day for more writing

On the list of things I'm grateful for, having my kids in full-time daycare is at the top. I love my work, and most of the time that the crotch goblins aren't in the house is dedicated to that because I cannot think straight when they are trying to get my attention always.

With kid-free time focused on income-earning work, the household stuff has ended up getting relegated to the time that the kids are around. And it turns out, it's also hard to get domestic things done when they're trying to...help.

Just kidding. They're not trying to help. They're monsters. And it's so frustrating.

BTW I had no idea that "Mom" was a multi-syllable word, and that it could be used so many times in one day. Mind-boggling.

The point is that when I try to do it all, I can't. So of course it's going to feel like things are falling through the cracks. And if meeting the modern definition of accomplished makes me feel like shit...well, I'll opt out of that feeling, thank you very much.

Sorry, Mr. Darcy.

But.

Butt. (HA.)

Not sorry.

Because when I do finally do the thing and set up the help for what I wasn't getting to in my day — I will never want to clean toilets or willingly dedicate my "free" time to doing that — I get to focus on doing the work that actually makes me come alive and feel good.That looks like:

Sending out emails for 25+ weeks in a row so far
Writing more than 10,000 words this month, AND
Making a lasagna last night, because I actually wanted to.

That makes me feel accomplished, and, none of it was done in a single day.

(Except the lasagna. That took less than an hour to whip up.)

The word "priorities" is an oxymoron; so is "time management."

Because you can only have one priority at a time, and time will truck along no matter what you do to try and manage it.

What you can do is prioritize how you spend your time.

So. What's the work you need to do to feel the way you want to feel?

And. What are you going to do to make that work your priority?

If you know the answer to that first Q, leave a comment and let me know. It will take you about 7 seconds to do and serves as a valuable conscious reminder for your brain. Then if you've another 53 seconds to spare, follow up with a few lines about how you're going to make it happen.

And if you don't know the answer to those questions?

I can help.

Remember: The goal is not cookie cutter, Instaspam perfect anything — the goal is to be real, to be honest, and to be unapologetically you. And regardless of your level of accomplishment, your productivity is not your worth.

No matter what Mr. Darcy says.