Okay but WHY do boundaries matter?

Here's to another week of making the writing happen on the go! 💪

I remember reading one of Glennon Doyle's books and she mentions that she wrote a bunch of it while sitting in her car, and while holed up in a closet...so I feel like I'm in good company here.

And I'm about to be in even better company because I'm at the airport to pick up one of my best friends! 😍

She's flying in from Ontario (with her wee baby) to hang out with me and the boys for a couple days while Joe works out of town, and I am so grateful.

They say it takes a long time to grow an old friend...this one's been growing for 32 years.

The richest area in my life is the people that are in it.

Because my crew isn't an average one — it's made up of extraordinary human beings.

People who are committed to living their lives authentically, unapologetically, and with integrity.

Buzz words, I know. But that doesn't minimize the fact that the battles for those values are not easily won. They take grit, courage, and grace.

And in the words my friend Sara, "Bravery is fucking exhausting."

So why bother?

Exit writing mode; Cue pick-up + driving home from the airport mode...

The next day: Enter writing from a spin bike mode...

I was on a call with my coach Delanie the other day, talking about my upcoming boundaries workshop.

I was describing to her the way that I visualize the fluidity and flexibility of boundaries (vs the rigidity of putting up walls that keep people out).

It was a little embarrassing (but also no shame) that the best example I could think of comes from....Breaking Dawn.

If there is anyone who hasn't read/watched Twilight at this point, spoiler alert. But also if you haven't yet you obviously don't care to. You had your chance.

In the final instalment of the series, Bella becomes a vampire and we discover that the thing that kept Edward out of her head for all those years was actually a badass energy/brain shield.

When Bella took on her otherworldly form, her shield became more powerful and she was (with time + practice) able to learn how to manipulate this shield; it took on an almost invisible shimmery look, and she was able to stretch it to protect those around her.

But only when she reeeeeeally had to.

Kind of like the way that I got clear on what I was doing to protect + take care of my Self after I had kids. Because I reeeeeeeally had to.

So now, part of what I'm trying to nail down for my upcoming talk is how my story (i.e. the Loving Breakdown of 2018 👆) influences my work with boundaries, and namely:

Why boundaries matter now more than ever.

If we view boundaries as a tool that we use to protect ourselves and the ones that we love, the answer seems obvious — boundaries keep us safe from being hurt.

I can't help but wonder (cue Carrie Bradshaw voice) is that really the point?

When my babies were born, I had this ingrained desire to keep them safe. I would do anything to keep them from crying.

But again, not the point. Crying is their voice. It's how they communicate. It's not my job to keep them from crying, but to learn how to listen to them, meet their needs, and help them learn how to soothe.

In the same way, I don't think that the point of boundaries is to keep us from harm entirely, but to teach us how the build up the resilience to tackle the challenges that life inevitably throws our ways.

And to teach our children to do the same.

What does that have to do with Twilight and boundaries?

Cue end of my spin session...

Enter writing from the living room floor...

It was only when Bella learned how her brain/energy shield functioned and how to control it, that she could extend it to protect her loved ones.

And it's only when you learn how healthy boundaries function and how to control them, that you can extend them to protect those around you.

Times of stress will test our boundaries, and life constantly asks us to expand our shield to include others.

Especially if you are a people-pleaser...energy vampires are EVERYWHERE.

But just like Bella couldn't protect her family until she had control over the shield and could flex it to her will as needed...

You can't take care of others from a place giving until you take ownership of your boundaries and look after your Self.

You can't pour from empty.

Self-care matters.

Putting up healthy boundaries that create the space you need to heal, matters.

So back to my big question of the week: Why does this matter now?

Because the world is on fire (metaphorically and literally), and we're leaving the next generation to put it out. I believe that the only way to put that fire out is by learning how to listen to each other and work together.

Not just with the people we already agree and align with...but with everyone else. And there is a lot of work that goes into having the brave conversations that are necessary to effect change.

Sara is right. Bravery is exhausting.

But we have to keep practising it, which means we need our resources. Our energy. There's emotional labour to be done, and I am here for it.

But not for everyone. Because, boundaries. And balance.

And. That next generation is currently watching our every move: Learning how to communicate. How to have relationships. How to take care of each other. And how to set boundaries that allow them to thrive.

To show up as their best, bravest, and most authentic selves.