What to do about distracti- SQUIRREL
I'm sitting in front of my computer with all of the ingredients for writing success:
My space is uncluttered
The kids are gone
I have Christmas lights on and music playing (that I don't know the lyrics to because #amwriting)
It's a pocket of time I set aside specifically for the purpose of writing
I'm wearing my writing toque
And all I can think about is how much I don't want to write.
I was up at 5:00am today because the dog needed to go outside...I debated getting up and writing right then and there (how "habits of highly successful -preneurs" of me!) but of course I opted to go back to bed because I'm human.
I gave myself points for even thinking of such a "good" thing to do, then spent the next 30 min laying in bed berating myself for not getting up. Obvy.
Amidst to self-admonishment for tending to a basic human need like sleep, I thought about what I wanted to write about today.
Yesterday I started a piece called "Everything I've Learned From Becky Bloomwood" — my plan was to write something about why we buy and making values-aligned purchases, but I couldn't seem to find my point and it ended up back on the shelf for now.
While my computer and I took a little break from each other, I was listening to the CBC (duh) and there was an interview with Nir Eyal on The Current about getting distracted.
I didn't listen to the whole interview, but I want to share the tidbits that I did pay attention to, because I think they tie into the Becky Bloomwood Bit in progress.
When we get distracted, our knee-jerk reaction is to see the external "thing" that distracted us as the problem — like getting notifications on our phones.
Once we realize that we've been distracted, we respond in one of three ways:
Blame → "Tech is designed to be addictive, so how am I supposed to fight that?"
Shame → "Why is it so hard to ignore a stupid ping? I'm such an idiot. I know better."
Claim → "Oh hey, I'm scrolling again because I'm bored. I'm going to do something else."
Obviously, one of these things is not like the other.
The interviewee went on to say something about how we can acknowledge the external stimuli like notifications, but the reality is that our distraction starts internally.
This really stood out to me because I haven't been on social media a ton, and there haven't been notifications to draw me in. But even when the apps aren’t on my phone (because, hashtag, boundaries) I still find myself reaching for my phone, swiping between the screens, and then putting it down because there isn't anything for me to do.
In those moments I have to pause and ask myself, "why was I reaching for my phone?"
The motivation for distraction there is actually intrinsic — and it usually comes from me trying to avoid negative feelings. Like being bored. Or frustrated. Or lonely.
Especially when I'm alone with my kids.
Anything. To avoid. The whining.
When social media is around, I can either post something and wait for the little hits of dopamine that come with engagement, or I can numb out by being a spectator and watching other people do their thing.
(Obviously, not always. Social media can also be a great way to stay connected and informed, and I'm not talking about that so don't @ me.)
In the absence of that social media fuelled distraction (which I can easily justify as productive because -preneuring) I started to fall back on older impulses, like wanting to shop.
But unlike my past self, who invested a lot more in retail therapy than cognitive behavioural therapy, this time around I'm armed with the tools to recognize where those itches are originating, so that I can pause and make a different choice.
I can claim the compulsion.
There isn't anything inherently wrong with using social media, and it's not your fault that it's programmed to be addictive.
It is your responsibility to claim its role in your life so that you can set healthy boundaries around it.
The same is true of shopping.
There isn't anything inherently wrong with having things that make you feel good, and it's not your fault that little advertising pixels follow you around the internet making sure that you see that perfect thing over and over.
It is your responsibility to examine what's motivating you to purchase, and who you’re supporting with your dollars, so that you can make choices you're stoked about.
For me, that looks like taking a moment to pause. To do a check-in and ask myself why I'm really posting a photo, or engaging in a Twitter discussion, or clicking the buy button.
If it's from a negative feeling that I'm trying to numb, avoid, or escape — I save the decision making for later.
My mantra is literally:
"I can always do this later."
If I've done the gut-check and still want to do the thing because I feel good about it, it's values-aligned, and all that positive shit? Well then I'll go right ahead and do the thing, whether it's sending an email or buying new Christmas lights.
Sometimes that pause is a few moments; sometimes it's a few weeks.
And yes, sometimes I still feel like I made the "wrong" choice — I thought for sure a purchase was all-signs-point-to-yes or I genuinely thought I could engage in a positive online discussion that doesn't turn to trolling and a negative spiral for the rest of the day.
In those moments, the most important thing is still not resorting to blame or shame, and triggering an unhealthy mental spiral.
Because I can still check my internal motivation + external action in hindsight, and then claim it, judgment-free. It's just information about a pattern you've learned, that you can use to inform your choice next time. And then maybe do something differently.
After all, we're only human…there will definitely be a next time.
So until then,
Justine
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