The 4 Rs
A simple framework to help you set boundaries, practice sustainable Self-care, and do more of what matters.
Survival gives us perspective.
But that’s really hard to find when it feels like you’re drowning.
There was a time that I would hear “retreat” and think about a bougie experience: an escape to The Spa or a silent meditation with a woman who smells like patchouli and calls herself Sage. What I didn’t think about was a wounded animal retreating to escape a threat; feeling to find a quiet place so it could heal.
Retreat is what we do when it feels like shit is hitting the fan in a real and visceral way. When emotions feel unmanageable and we react in ways that cause harm — to ourselves, and to others.
The wisest, kindest thing to do when we are overwhelmed is to honour or protective instincts. To take the space that we need to regroup, to process, to heal.
This isn’t about finding your zen, it’s about finding your Self.
We are wired for Recovery
Whether we’re facing big changes that we’ve been working towards for a while, or are caught off guard by a sudden change of plans, not-so-good feelings and stressors are a normal part of life.
We are wired to respond to the stimulus in our environment.
Stress is normal and healthy, as long as we make space to process it. And being able to admit when things aren’t A-OK, so that you can do something about it, is a sign of health, not a sign of weakness or failing.
Recovery is about learning how to be aware of and manage your fluctuating needs, in a way that not only sustains you — but helps you to create routines that allow you to thrive.
Feeling good isn’t the point, and Recovery helps you meet your Self where you’re at.
It feels good to give
Giving and receiving are a two sides of the same coin thing.
And while a lot of wellness culture is focused on the routines that we create in our day-to-day to meet our needs, the Self-care picture isn't complete without talking about community care, nourishing connection, and the ways that we're there for each other.
The rituals and routines that we set up to meet our needs are definitely important because you can’t pour from empty — but what do you do with the resources that you’re filling your cup of Self with? And how do you give without completely dumping that cup you carefully filled? How do you know what you’re available to give?
This is about learning how to give in a generous, love, and boundaried, way.
What this is really about
You can’t fight for what’s right by doing nothing, and you will not survive the battle if you don’t take care of your Self.
Revolution is about challenging unjust systems and creating meaningful change, and it’s why all this Self-care matters in the first place. In the words of Audre Lorde:
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
Self-care isn’t just about feeling relaxed as you drift off to sleep at the end of the night (although that is really freaking nice), it’s about keeping yourself alive — and thriving — in the midst of a world that wants to keep you small.
It’s about building the resilience to hold your ground when you’re challenged.
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